


Memories

by ChocolateKid



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Coda, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt, Emotionally Repressed Dean, Episode s13e05: Coda, Episode s13e06: Coda, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I'm such a cliché sorry, Insomnia, Insomniac Dean, M/M, Memories, Movie Night, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Spoilers, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Winchester Coping Mechanisms, aren't those the same?, hopelessness, they're still basically married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 15:48:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12751371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocolateKid/pseuds/ChocolateKid
Summary: Dean remembers his movie nights with Castiel.Coda to last night's episode, Season 13 Episode 6: TombstoneYes, I know that I'm a cliché.





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> So sorry I haven't posted anything lately but my studies are taking up all my time, so I doubt I'll be posting a lot for the next time. I'll try writing somewhat regularly, but December's a busy month for me, so we'll see. xD
> 
> However, I got inspired by last night's episode and puked out this short piece! I hope it makes up for my radio silence at least a little.
> 
> Also, I'm aware that after this episode, AO3 will be _flooded_ with movie nights fics, but I couldn't resist doing so myself. It was just too great a headcanon.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like it. :)

Every night, when it was dark and quiet, Dean closed his eyes and remembered. Remembered _him_ , and what it was like to still have him in his life. How well he'd seemed to fit in.

Every single night, images came to his mind; Cas, looking at him, the barest hint of a smile on his face; Cas, raising his eyebrows at him in annoyance when Dean was being obnoxious again; and it _hurt_ to remember, it _hurt_. Because Dean didn't have that anymore, did he? Cas was dead.

Still, the memories came and haunted him, mocking him with images of a better time, a time where everything seemed fine, even if the world was going under like always. It'd still been a better time, because Cas had been with him.

He remembered countless nights spent watching Netflix, Dean knocking on Cas's door with intent and grinning at him when it was hesitantly opened. All Cas needed to see was Dean's smirk and he'd know what was up, and he'd roll his eyes, say, "Give me a second," and follow Dean into the living room where Dean had already picked out the next movie Cas simply _had_ to watch.

And even though Dean knew Cas didn't actually _want_ to watch these movies, wasn't actually interested in the plot like Dean was, he never objected and instead paid vivid attention to everything Dean pointed out to him.

Sometimes they'd only watch one movie, sometimes they'd watch four. Most nights, they watched until they couldn't stay awake anymore, and every once in a while, one of them would fall asleep on the spot, head lolling backwards onto the couch, not even realizing the latest movie was still going. Back when Cas was still human, he was usually the one to fall asleep first and every time that happened, Dean would take his time to enjoy the picture Cas made, peaceful and calm, the near constant frown disappeared from his face, his breathing regular and steady.

Dean hadn't known what he'd felt when he looked at Cas at the time, but he certainly knew now. He'd known for a while, actually.

Not that it mattered anymore, he told himself. It was too late anyway.

Still, his thoughts drifted to Cas's sleeping face every night he couldn't fall asleep -which was more often than not lately- and somehow, he didn't even mind anymore. Sure, it hurt like a bitch, but the memory was still precious.

Every once in a while, when Cas managed to stay awake long enough for a change, it'd be Dean who would doze off without warning. When that happened, Cas would gently nudge him awake after the movie and there'd be the quiet whispering of his name, "Dean," and Dean would try not to snap at him, he really would. But Dean was an angry sleeper and an even angrier awaker, and it didn't matter how gently he was pulled from his sleep, he was still _pulled_ from his _sleep_ , so more often than not, Cas would get an earful or no reaction at all. Cas never took it personally.

Now though, there was no more movie-watching, no staying awake until early morning, no more gentle nudging and no more _Cas_. There was just empty space and the feeling of loss, and _Jack_ , who was so much like Cas that it hurt to even look at him. He'd been robbed of the light of his life and given an infant he'd never wanted.

How was Jack supposed to make a better world without Cas in it? It was impossible, and it was why Dean didn't believe in him.

One last time, Dean let the images flood over him. One last time, he saw Cas's face and his sad smile and tired eyes that looked at him. And one last time, Dean whispered the words he never dared to tell. "I love you."

Turning to his side, Dean opened his eyes in defeat. There was darkness in the room, just like in his heart, but at least there were no more memories.

* * *

From the moment Dean answers the phone, he's hoping. He knows it's impossible, he _knows_ there's been more than enough second chances for the Winchesters, and he knows there's no way Cas really is alive, but the hope is still there, betraying Dean's desperate attempt at staying rational. It's of no use. He still pressed down on the gas and drives there as fast as he can.

'It's a trap,' something in him tells him.

'Or it's not.'

There's a figure standing near the payphone. A figure of Cas's height, wearing a trench coat, a mop of black hair on his head, and it doesn't even take a millisecond for Dean to know that this really is his Cas. It's irrational, but he just _knows_.

'There's still time,' his mind screams at him in wonder. 'You've been given more time.'

And he intends to use it.

So when Sam stutters, "I don't even know what to say," Dean does.

"Welcome home, pal," he chokes, silently screaming the words he cannot yet say but _soon_ , and wraps Cas up in his arms.

'Welcome home, love.'


End file.
